Great Fathers of History: Barack Obama

This is the first in a series of posts on Great Fathers of History. Biographies and histories about great men often focus on political, intellectual, or cultural achievements but say little about their domestic relationships. Yet some of these men were exemplary fathers, whose lives carry valuable lessons for any current or prospective parent. This series seeks to unearth those lessons by exploring how these men raised their children and what they said, wrote or believed about what a father should be.

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Whatever you think of his politics, former president Barack Obama’s dad skills are undeniable. Obama’s parenting reminds all dads of the importance of being present for their children. His example can inspire us to set aside our personal preoccupations and give our children the unconditional love and attention they deserve. 

The First Dad’s First-Rate Parenting

Obama was raised by a single mother. Barack Obama Sr. left the family when Obama was two years old, and the future president had little paternal contact during childhood. The absence stung Obama, who discussed his feelings of loss in Dreams from My Father. As an adult, Obama vowed to break the cycle of neglect. Where his father built a life with no place for his son, Obama would place his daughters, Sasha and Malia, at the very center of his world.

Obama reflected on this thinking in an open letter to his daughters published before his inauguration. With characteristic eloquence, this Leader of the Free World put words to the tenderness he felt for his daughters and their powerful hold on his imagination.

For Obama, good parenting was not only his responsibility to Sasha and Malia; it was a path to personal transformation. Being a present father helped him overcome the pain of his own childhood. Building relationships with his children brightened his days, expanded his connection to the broader world, and filled him with purpose and conviction

True to his principles, Obama worked hard to involve himself in his daughters’ lives. Upon entering the White House, Obama set an unusual rule by vowing to eat dinner with his family five nights a week. Aids were not to schedule meetings, fundraising dinners, or other events during this sacred time; no one could intrude except in cases of true emergency. Obama also began most days by sharing breakfast with both daughters.

During his first fall in the Oval Office, Obama read the book Life of Pi with daughter Sasha. When Malia was young, he introduced her to the wizarding world by reading aloud the entire Harry Potter series. Obama attended all of his daughters’ parent-teacher conferences and helped coach Sasha’s grammar school basketball team. 

Photographs of Obama with his daughters capture the feelings of comfort and ease that permeate their relationship. The lightness in father and daughters is impossible to miss.

“In the end, that’s what being a parent is all about,” Obama explained in a 2011 Father’s Day address. “Those precious moments with our children that fill us with pride and excitement for their future, the chances we have to set an example or offer a piece of advice, the opportunities to just be there and show them that we love them.” 

Protecting these precious moments could not have been easy for the President. If ordinary parents allow business calls or emails to intrude on family time, how much greater were those distractions for the man in the Oval Office? Obama is a great dad because he refused to let his professional responsibilities alienate him from his children. Whatever the demands of his political office, whatever the anxieties tugging at his mind, he always remembered to connect with his daughters by giving them the most precious gift he could provide: his time.

Obama’s Three Lessons of Fatherhood

When a father of this caliber discusses his experience, we can learn something by listening. HuffPost features a collection of memorable Obama quotes on fatherhood, which is worth perusing. But I was particularly moved by a speech that then-Senator Obama delivered at the Apostolic Church of God in Chicago on Father’s Day 2008. 

Obama observed that “[o]f all the rocks upon which we build our lives, we are reminded today that family is the most important. And we are called to recognize and honor how critical every father is to that foundation.” Unfortunately, Obama explained, too many men act as if their responsibility towards their children ends at conception. They fail to “realize that what makes you a man is not the ability to have a child — it’s the courage to raise one.” 

To raise our children like men, we would do well to live three important lessons of fatherhood.

The first is to “set[] an example of excellence for our children.” It’s great to challenge our kids, but we should be even more demanding of ourselves. Children are always watching their parents and emulating their behavior. Fathers who spend their weekends watching Sportscenter raise children who sink into the sofa and ignore their studies. But those who set goals, plan for the future, and overcome obstacles set a powerful example for their sons and daughters.

The second lesson is that we must teach our children the value of empathy, of seeing the world through other people’s eyes. It’s all too easy, Obama observed, “to get caught up in ‘us,’” and “forget about our obligations to one another.” Honoring those obligations does not make us soft or weak; it makes us strong. Fathers must teach this value by putting kindness and compassion to work in their own relationships. If we are hard-hearted and intolerant, our children will carry those same patterns of self-indulgent thought into future generations.

It sounds simple. But the strife that roils our country today over the simple act of wearing a mask to protect others from COVID-19 shows that much work remains to be done.

The third and final lesson that we can learn as fathers is to give our children the gift of hope. “I’m not talking about an idle hope that’s little more than blind optimism or willful ignorance of the problems we face,” Obama explained. “I’m talking about hope as that spirit inside us that insists, despite all evidence to the contrary, that something better is waiting for us if we’re willing to work for it and fight for it. If we are willing to believe.”

Obama reminds us that it is our ultimate responsibility as fathers to leave our children the best world we can provide. To do this, we must give them a sturdy foundation on which to build their own lives, teaching them the character and practical skills necessary for personal success. But we should also instill in them the courage to follow their dreams and lead their generation into the light of better days. If we do those things, everything else falls into place.